Christmas Clashes Can Shell Shock the New Year

Have old family battles pranced merrily into your new year? Sometimes Christmas trees bring more than lights and tinsel. Opening brightly colored boxes is fun, but opening old wounds of dysfunctional relationships is definitely not. When the carols are all sung out and the ornaments are back in the attic for another year’s wait, Christmas clashes can still leave us shell shocked long after the holidays are over.

In my post Does Christmas Highlight Family Pain?, I examined Jan Silvious's description of the the fools in our lives. In her book Fool-proofing Your Life, Silvious uses Proverbs, as well as other Biblical passages, to help us understand that some people habitually relate foolishly with others. Whereas the Bible calls us to love our enemies, what to we do with friends, co-workers, and family members who aren’t exactly enemies, but who drive us crazy just the same? Here are some tips from Silvious to help us deal effectively with the impossible people in our lives:

1. Put away your own childish reactions (p150). A foolish person likes to engage in verbal battles. Don’t join in. Resist to the urge to engage. It takes two to argue. Refuse to be one of the two.

2. Determine that you can live with or without your fool (p152-153). This doesn’t necessarily mean you will divorce your spouse or kick out a rebellious teenager. It means you have an inner change that results in abandoning clingy behavior.

3. Stop trying to change your fool (p153).

4. Turn away from evil (p167-8). Turn away inwardly by choosing your steps wisely. Turn away to a safe location if your fool is violent.

5. Overcome evil with good (p169-171). Your goal is not to appease the fool. Instead practice godly kindness. Perhaps your kindness will expose his or her folly and bring repentance. Perhaps not. Either way, you are growing.

6. Detach (p171-2). Don’t open yourself up to intimacy. Speak with the civility and kindness that you use with a waiter or sales associate. Be polite, exchange pleasantries, but don’t engage in combat.

7. Speak the truth with strength and dignity (p173-4). The goal is not to convince the fool. The goal is the feed your spirit with the strength that truth brings. Perhaps the fool with change as a result, perhaps not.

8. Pray.

Silvious’s book is packed with wisdom on every page. The list above is great, but it barely scratches the surface of the solid advice she gives. Each chapter is filled with Scripture and each ends with a short Bible study. This is the best book I’ve read on this subject, and I highly recommend it to anyone who is dealing with difficult people.

Enjoy!

Gettin’ Real!
Melodie

This book was provided for review by the WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group.